The Sweet Life

Did you know that love is hard work?  It seems strange, doesn't it?  Think back, did you ever have to work hard to fall in love (or even in like) with someone?  Half the time you didn't even realize you were falling for a person and then...BAM out of the blue you discover that you love them.

Take me, for example.  I met Tyler, and I thought he was cute.  We dated a bit and I knew I was twitterpatted.  I got this super funny feeling in my tummy when I saw him.  I felt light headed and full of butterflies and I tended to get this goofy grin on my face.  I'd fabricate reasons to be near him, to call him, to spend time with him....I knew I liked him.

Then one day, Tyler got a phone call from his family.  It was an upsetting call for him, and I wanted to help him feel better.  What can you do though?  I held his hand, I let him talk, I just let him know I was there for him.  As I sat next to him on the couch, wishing I could take the hurt away, this funny thought entered my brain.  Without even thinking about it, I told myself, "I love that kid."

There it was.  We were in love.  I didn't admit it to Tyler for another month or two, I wanted to make sure it was for real and that the feeling was mutual.  Don't worry, it was.  ;)

We dated for so long, but it was all long distance.  I often attributed the great communication in our relationship to the fact that it was the only way we could spend time together--on the phone.  By the time we actually got married, we'd spent more of our relationship corresponding through letters and phone calls than we had spent side by side.  And unfortunately, that pattern has continued through most of our marriage.  Tyler's work-away-from-home job has been a great financial blessing but it has been a hardship in other ways (you know, like it's hard to not see your husband for months on end...)

Now I come to my point.  Tyler and I have spent so much time apart...we hardly know how to act like a married couple.  I found recently that we live two almost completely separate lives.  We do our own things, and the only "couple" time we have is that we share the same bed.  Oh, and we eat dinner as a family. 

I love Tyler, but living these two different lives, I found I wasn't feeling very "in love" with Tyler.  The spark was slowly disappearing.  We've had to find ways to make sure that our love doesn't go stale.  We have to work at not just loving each other (that's easy, he's a pretty adorable guy) but being in love with each other.  Finding each other desirable, connecting...feeling passionate and enjoying our relationship as a married couple. 

I don't know if I'm making sense.  I'm sure you are wondering why I'm disclosing something this personal.  It's because I've been watching lots of couples fall apart lately.  It hurts my heart every time.  Especially in situations (and I find most situations fall into this category) where it could have been prevented if couples had remembered to communicate and serve each other.  To keep that flame of love burning. 

My friends, love doesn't just stay alive on its own.  Like a plant, it needs water and sunshine and attention.  You have to weed around it, fertilize it....help it grow.  I've taken inventory of my relationship with my spouse and I've found the ways that I can improve.  I suggest that you all do the same.  You might be surprised to discover that your relationship (and this doesn't just apply to a spouse but also to any relationship with any person) has gone a little stale without your even realizing it.