The Sweet Life

Tyler is gone until June.  That's a long time.  And I ache for him.  I ache to have him close, his arms around me, when we got to bed at night.  I hear something funny and I want to hear him laugh next to me.  Jamison is fussy and I want to see his daddy play with him.  It's amazing how many times a day something can make me think of Tyler and begin to ache with longing. 

I work hard to keep a good, positive attitude when Tyler is gone.  I count my blessings.  I remind myself how lucky I am that my husband has a job.  How lucky I am that we have Skype, cell phones, email...all the technologies that make keeping in contact so easy.  How lucky I am that it's only 4 months and not a year.  How lucky I am that my husband is not dead, hasn't left me, and will eventually come back.  Each time I start to feel the urge to complain and cry that my sweet husband is gone, I start counting my blessings.  I'm REALLY working at staying positive.

Which I think is why I take is so personally when people brush off my efforts and my pain.  I hate hearing them telling me to look on the bright side.  As though I'm not already doing that.  I hate having them hear he's gone and say, "oh well, at least he has work."  What they are saying is true, and I say it to myself all the time.  That does not mean I don't hurt though.  That doesn't mean it isn't hard to have him gone. 

People so often judge when they have no actual knowledge on a subject.  And so I am judged by people who have never spent more than two weeks away from their spouse.  They have no idea how hard this is. 

I miss my husband.  My son misses his father.  Each day I feel this void in my life.  I am just so incredibly grateful that he's not gone forever.  He IS coming back.  And until he comes back, we can talk on the phone every night.  It's the small things like that which keep me going when I feel my world collapsing with the pain of being a single mother for these long periods of time. 

I am sorry that this post sounds depressing, maybe even a bit whiny.  I hate when people whine lots and I don't mean to be one of them.  Today I'm just really missing my husband and feeling a lack of understanding from others.  At least I have this sweet baby of mine to keep me company.