The Ugly Truth About Bugs

I hate bugs. I know that a lot of people don't like bugs, but no one seems to truly grasp what I mean when I say that I HATE bugs. Let me try to throw some light on it....

Tuesday night as I was putting clean sheets on my bed and talking to Tyler on the phone (yes, I can multi-task sometimes) I looked up and saw a cockroach chilling by my bedroom door. I knew I must have jinxed myself when on Monday I was telling everyone how lucky I was to only find cockroaches in the apartment when Tyler was there to deal with them. Now here was a nasty cockroach that I would have to deal with all by myself.

So, I started pumping myself up with calming words like "you can do this, Tenika" and "it can't hurt you." I found my heaviest pair of shoes, tied them onto my feet, and walked towards the cockroach (with Tyler still on the phone). Slowly I walked towards the door, but when I got close enough to see its ugly antenna and everything else yucky about it...I lost my nerve. I jumped over the general area of the cockroach and ran to the laundry "room" to get my bug spray.

With trusty bug spray in hand, I went back to the bedroom (again using confidence building phrases to remind myself I was bigger than the bug) and worked up the courage to poke my head around the door and begin spraying like crazy. I chased the dumb cockroach halfway across the room until it hid under my dresser. Now what?

Tyler is still on the phone, telling me what a wimp I am being. My heart is pounding. POUNDING. I wanted to get into the fetal position but that would put more of my body on the ground...thus closer to the cockroach. So I ran around the house spraying every wall and corner with bug spray. If I wasn't brave enough to crush the bug, I'd just kill it with bug spray. It would have no where to run. Then I went back to the bedroom door to wait.

You know that sound when you bump the side of your dresser and the things on the top kind of shake and settle? Yeah, as the cockroach came out from under the dresser, I heard that noise. Very disconcerting when a two and a half inch bug can make your dresser do that. I got the bug spray ready but the dumb bug saw me and went back under. Clearly dumb is the wrong word to use when describing this bug. Unfortunately, cockroaches are actually kind of smart.

I wanted to call someone to come save me. Tyler told me that was ridiculous. I wanted to move. Again, Tyler told me that was ridiculous. Probably he was right, but I didn't see it that way. Finally, after standing in my doorway another ten minutes, the cockroach ventured out, running along the wall. I think at this point I gave an evil cackle because all the walls were covered in bug spray. I waited anxiously for him to stop in his tracks and keel over...dead from the noxious fumes. It didn't happen. He kept running along the wall and when he came next to me and I had the opportunity to smash him...I screamed loud enough that I'm sure the whole town heard it.

The cockroach ignored me (obviously he knew I wasn't a real threat) and walked into the other bedroom, where he found several bags and boxes he could hide in. As I watched him journey from one spot to another, finding the perfect home for himself, I began crying and I think Tyler lost all respect for me. He actually told me to "kill the damn thing". I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't get that close to it. I, Tenika Iti Cope Dennis, 23 years old, 5 feet and 2 inches tall, was mortally terrified of a two and a half inch bug.

So I left the cockroach in a box (which I hoped was empty), closed the door (as though that would keep him locked in...), shoved a towel under my door, and tried to fall asleep--all the while hoping the bug spray would finish the job that I couldn't. All I can say is thank goodness for prayer because otherwise I would have been lying awake all night listening for noises to warn me of the cockroach's movements. I was able to fall asleep and only dreamed a tiny bit about cockroaches.

When I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I really, really needed the bathroom (darn pregnancy!!!) it took a good ten minutes to build up the courage to go. I made sure to shine my cell phone along the path from my bed to the light switch, to check for bugs. I had left shoes by my bed so that I could keep myself protected from the cockroach, but now I had this horrible image of stepping on a cockroach that had found its way into my shoe...so I skipped the shoes. I got out of bed and, on tip toe (because for some reason that made me feel safer), went to the light switch, checked again for bugs, pulled the towel away from the door, opened the door, turned on the light switch in the hall, tiptoed into the bathroom, turned on that light switch, checked the toilet for bugs (Tyler flushed a cockroach down the toilet earlier in the week and teased me about it coming back up the toilet...I've checked it ever since...just in case...). And at every step of this, I am checking around for my unwelcome visitor. He stayed hidden.

The next day I felt a little braver. But trust me, one of the first things I did that morning was put on shoes (Not the ones by my bed...)!

Do you understand? I hate bugs. I HATE them. I am scared of them. Not all bugs. I used to names ants when I was younger. But cockroaches, spiders, worms, centipedes, beetles...they scare me to DEATH. After an encounter with one, it can take me several minutes to get my heartbeat normal again. And if I dream about one...I will spend hours worrying about them being in my bed with me. My mom has always been there to rescue me from spiders. The bravest thing I ever did was see a spider by my door when I was about 17, and throw a glass over it to keep it from getting further into my room. Then I called my mom down to take care of it.

I now have this fear that my children will be playing on the floor and find a cockroach among their toys. I know that young kids can be pretty fearless, so the little darling will probably start playing with the cockroach. And (my mom pointed out) maybe even try to eat it. GAH! I will scream SO LOUD if I ever see my child with a cockroach that they will forever be as mortally terrified as I am. They will need therapy to get over their fear of cockroaches.

To end this story on a happy note, however...my mother in law is like superwoman in my eyes. Last night she came over to my house, found the cockroach (he was in the same box...stuck somehow...), picked it up by its antenna, put it between two paper towels, and squished it. She didn't even flinch. I was about ready to scream and I wasn't even close to it. She even got bug guts on her and just calmly washed them off. SUPERWOMAN!

P.S. IT does not help me feel less afraid of cockroaches when my brother sends me an email full of random animal facts...including the fact that cockroaches can live 8 days without their heads. EIGHT DAYS, people!!!