Holding Onto Love

My sleep pattern is already really messed up, and Tyler has only been gone a little over twenty-four hours. The night before Tyler left we didn't get to bed until after 11 pm. And then I struggled to fall asleep. I kept thinking about how it was our last night...and that makes it hard to do anything other than think. But eventually I fell asleep, and then woke up at 5am to take him to the airport. When I got home at around 6:30 am, all I wanted to do was sleep. And maybe cry. But for about an hour and a half, sleep wouldn't come. To make a long story short...I finally got some sleep that morning. And then last night I was incredibly tired. However, I had things to do, people to talk to...and I wasn't ready for bed until about 11 pm again. All night I was really looking forward to crawling into bed and being unconscious for eight hours.

Unfortunately, when it came time to go to bed, my body was ready but my brain wasn’t. I spent the next few hours wishing I was asleep while my brain went over the events of my day. After it had finished with my day, my brain started bringing up all the stresses in my life, then all the things I had to worry about where work was concerned, then it reminded me how much nicer life was when Tyler was around, and it continued pulling up memories and thoughts and ideas until early into the morning.

It was during all of this that a thought struck me. I had been thinking about all the people I know whose marriages don’t make it. It is so sad to me to think of all those people who started out so in love and then somehow that love turned into jealousy, hate, blame, frustration…those emotions that destroy a relationship. And I was asking myself if when people say they just don’t love someone anymore, if that really has to be the end.

The answer, I realized, is no. When I realized that, I began to think more in depth about why the answer is no. And the thoughts I had from that point on, I felt I needed to share. Someone, somewhere, needs to hear this. Or maybe I just needed to remember it long enough to type it out and think about it some more. But for whatever the reason, I felt prompted. And I want to follow through on that prompting.

So...the reason we stop loving someone is because we stop doing what it takes to stay in love. So often we live with this belief that love is a force we have no control over. We think that we can’t help who we fall in love with, we have no control over how we love, when we love, why we love…but that’s not the case. We have control. Love is a process, and true love takes work. It is not handed to us on a silver platter. If we want to keep love in our lives, we have to work at it.

The Lord has counseled us to love everyone. The exact scripture being, “That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” (John 13:34). As he has loved us. And how is it that the Savior has loved us? Or as His Father, who is also our Father, has loved us? Think about it. God gave His Son. That Son gave His life. Wholeheartedly He died for us. He didn’t pick and choose who would receive love based on how nice of a person they were, how often they gave Him presents, what they did for Him…He gave His love to everyone without question. We should do the same thing.

Whether the people surrounding us treat us with respect or ignore us, we should still love them. It’s a commandment. Once I reached this conclusion, I had another question. How do we love everyone? How do I love the person who treated me unfairly? How do I love the person who didn’t show me respect? How do I love the person who said hurtful things to me? It didn’t take me long to realize the answer: service.

When you serve those around you, it becomes easier to feel love for them. Actually, I need to amend that sentence. When you serve those around you with an open heart and a willingness to forgive them for any wrongdoing, it becomes easier to feel love for them. And once again, the Savior is our perfect example of this concept. How often did He serve those around Him? He didn’t wait to see how they would treat Him. He gave His love, and He gave His service.

An important thing to recognize is that just because we serve others and work at loving them, it does not necessarily mean that they will begin to serve and love us as well. Although that is the hope, and can be the case, there will always be those who choose to reject love and service. There are many examples of such people in the Savior’s life. However, if we are to love like the Savior loved, our service and love towards others will not be contingent on their reaction.

Can we love those who hate us? Who use us, who treat us badly? Yes. Will it be easy? No. Will it be worth it? Definitely. Having a heart filled with love, rather than a heart filled with hate, will not only improve our lives now; a heart filled with love will also improve our lives for all eternity.

Love does not need to end when our spouse stops bringing us flowers, or cooking us dinner every night. Love does not need to be chased away when our neighbor says something cruel. Love does not need to be ignored when someone makes us angry. Love can last forever…as long as we are willing to work at it, to serve, to find the good, to open our hearts.

So my challenge to myself and anyone who may read this is to find a way to follow the Savior’s example and love everyone, no matter what.