Late Night Thoughts on Forgiveness

Sometimes I just have trouble falling asleep. I think I get afraid of sleeping alone or something. I'm not sure what it is. But tonight while I was unable to sleep I decided to watch a movie. I am forever in the debt of my in-laws for having Netflix. I don't know if Tyler ever actually asked their permission, but we have been using their Netflix account to watch movies from the very beginning of our married life.

Tonight I watched a movie called "28 Days." I have this thing for dramas. Especially ones that involve psychology. And most dramas have at least some psychology. This movie, for anyone who doesn't know (because I'd never heard of it before!) is about an alcoholic, played by the beautiful Sandra Bullock, who ruins her sister's wedding and ends up in rehab. The movie is the story of her recovery.

It left me thinking. Movies always make me think. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time finding a movie I like. This movie made me think a lot about forgiveness. Here is a woman who has destroyed her life, and in the process destroyed the lives of those around her. The only real family she has is her sister, and she managed to make a disaster of her wedding.

In the middle of the movie, Sandra is finally realizing that she needs to change. She is realizing that her life will be better if she kicks the habit that has held her captive for the past fifteen years. As part of a group therapy session she invites her sister. They are supposed to talk about how they feel and...well, have therapy. Things don't go according to plan though, and the sister ends up yelling at Sandra. Then she just gets up and leaves.

When the movie was over, I was thinking about how Sandra was able to turn her life around because she was given a second chance. It's so much like our lives. The Atonement is our second chance. And our third. And our fourth. How wonderful it is to have that blessing in our lives. To know that when we screw up (as we inevitably will) we have the chance to make restitution and start again. We have the chance to move past our mistakes and become better people.

I also thought about the sister, who was having a hard time moving past what her younger sister (Sandra) had done to her. She focused in on the many times that Sandra had done stupid things, things that hurt others, or mistakes that were embarrassing. How hard is it for us to move past our own mistakes when others won't let us? And how hard is it for others to move past their mistakes when we won't let them?

I don't think the sister (I think her name was Lily???) was purposely trying to hold Sandra back. As much as anyone, probably more than anyone else in the world, she wanted her sister to have her life back. She wanted her to be sober and to be able to lead a normal, healthy life. But every time she brought up the past...well, that couldn't have made it any easier.

There are times in my life when I make really dumb mistakes. Or really awful choices. Can I just say that I am SO grateful that people are willing to truly forgive, and in so doing forget and move on...so that in turn I could move on. And I am even more grateful for the Savior, who made it possible for me to move on at all.

Funny isn't it? That watching a movie when I can't sleep could lead to all these thoughts?